a creamy portal OR how you will know Chris Collision

I noted the other day that the NHL, golly! what personalities these guys have! I mean, when it comes to unfettered, educated, wide-ranging minds, Canadians hockey players are very nearly as interesting as baseball players. Before Pierre Idiot Trudeau starts flipping out, I will acknowledge that "interesting" as it pertains to athletes usually translates to "spouting insane right-wing horseshittery" and I will concede that a nice, dull socialist Canadian is in fact preferable to a can't-take-your-ears-off-of-him sociopath like Gary Zimmerman or whoever.

As an Avs fan, this was recently pawned off on me as the result of an interview.

Now, I've taken some heat for my behind-the-scenes arm-twisting of my beloved other site contributors, particularly because this arm-twisting doesn't come with the kind of lightning-fast formatting and posting that can be expected of a guy with a full-time job, The World's Best Girlfriend In The World, other writing projects, and a full, rich suite of hobbies.

(Chris Collision shown engaging in his primary hobby.)

So I won't be suggesting that our Art Dude Bogdan von Pylon should 'shop pictures of us onto the answers we would give to these questions, answers surely far, far more entertaining than "I like movies, TV about dickheads, exercising, and then not exercising while not reading".

1. Where would you like to retire following your career?
   Well, I've always thought Barcelona was a truly overlooked and underrated world city, but I'd have to say that the real decision would probably come down to Funkytown vs. Erotic City.
   
2. Do you prefer reading the book or watching the movie?
   Well, I'm not at all convinced that this is an interesting distinction. On one hand, the two different art forms often can offer fascinatingly divergent interpretations of what is perhaps only nominally the same thing. On the other, it seems likely that the best books are all but completely incapable of being properly rendered in a spectacular medium like film--and vice versa! Surely no filmic equivalent of Melville's musing on the color white--and I choose that example advisedly, to be sure--has ever been constructed. And let us not underrate the power of film! No prose stylist who ever lived could match the awesome potency of the Super Star Destroyer flying--and flying--and flying--over the audience's head at the beginning of Star Wars. I suppose, then, that my answer must necessarily be "when either is maximally itself, both, and where the two mediums overlap and strive to achieve similar aims, likely neither".
3. What was your favorite subject in school?
   Oh, just the one? Heavens, it's practically impossible to answer this. While my heart and soul sang with the potential and rage of the titans of social science--Marx, Weber, C. Wright Mills--my mind was consumed with the promise and delight of Dell Hymes, Jerry Goldsmith, and James McCawley. However none of those Elysian Fields would have been available to me without a certain rigor of mind, so I must yield pride of place to the mathematics taught me by a man I could never not call "Mr." Ott, and to the logic battered into my resistant mind/brain by dint of main force by Mark Bedau. --And bless them both of them, because you may be certain that neither man was without quite a difficult task in front of him!
4. What is your favorite TV show right now?
   Oh, I adore Charlie Rose, don't you? How could one not!? But, and this may surprise you, I simply can not keep myself from watching Perry Mason whenever it's on! I know--it's absurd, but something about that show is just...it's as satisfying as pommes frites and a nice Belgian. Belgian ale, naturally.
5. What is your favorite hobby away from the rink?
   Would you think less of me if I were to say "rockin' the vaj"? Well, no matter, for I shan't say that--less a hobby than a vocation, really. So far as hobbies are concerned, I should think mine are every man's--improvement of the mind, body, soul, and bloodline by whatever means come to hand, from careful meditation upon the works of the ancient world to frank wallowing in the excrecence of the most hyper-modern artists and thinkers, not excluding investigations of the rankest and most tawdry passions nor long Spartan endeavours with one's fellows, with pull-ups and clean, strong penetration. Every hobby, after all, is a creamy portal into the world one would prefer.