Thursday, May 17, 2012

Chris Collision on John Tortorella (on Marek vs. Wyshynski)

Marek vs. Wyshynski is always a good listen, and I can't tell you how much mileage I've gotten out of their "Question of the Day" feature. Been swamped at work, so it's been a hell of a long time since I've been able to give them any kind of answer. Today, in the wake of Rangers' coach John Tortorella incurring the wrath of pretty much the entire universe for some post-loss press stonewalling--he answered a bare handful of questions, and never said anything longer or more informative than "I'm going to keep that in the (locker) room."--the question was "Well, if Torts isn't going to answer anything anyway, what questions should the reporters ask?".

I threw the following tantrum, which they were gracious/amused enough to read. Thanks, guys! Hope everybody finds some amusement.

--Collision, sniping at his betters, like always

Q: What Questions Should Reporters Be Asking John Tortorella?

Chris Collision's Answer:

Oh, I dunno. Don't know as I've *ever* heard an actually insightful, incisive, challenging question from a sports reporter after a game anyway, so maybe we can cut the bullshit & admit we're all just bizarrely desperate to hear the same kind of nonsense every coach gives every time.

Just fill in your own idiotic coach-speak:

'he pointed out his team needed to improve its compete level, and went on to describe jam, grit, hustle, and accountability as good and necessary things. Asked specific questions, he noted that he would prefer to answer after he'd seen the tape. He declined to offer any insight into roster or strategic changes, past, present, or future. He thanked us for our time.'

There. I have now written every beat writer's after-game coach interview story for all time. Can we please stop pretending any information ever comes out of these ludicrous exercises?

Friday, May 4, 2012

Phil Mushnick says "If Jay-Z's involved, let's call them the New York Niggers"

I'm screencapping this to preserve it, b/c it's a little hard for me to imagine that even the New York Post--whose sole saving grace is the needling Larry Brooks provides--will leave this up for all that long.

I think my favorite part of 2012 so far is how everybody's going full-on election year psychotic. Some nincompoop at the Chronicle of Higher Education just went all John Derbyshire, probably announcing to everybody that the Chronicle for Higher Education is getting out of the Smarmy Garbage for Smug Twerps game--good news for the Atlantic!--and going all in on the Taki's Mag tripe play.

Say this for Phil Mushnick, he really really gets Jay-Z.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

sex is greater than death in the American sporting life

Oh, inDEED, Oh indeed.

(I just wanted to read about a goddamned hockey game, SI, not have to confront the gruesome capitalization of sex and death.)

I mean, if I wanted to read about death, I wouldn't go to SI anyway, I'd read David Roth's harrowing and even-handed account of the meaning of Junior Seau...

--Collision, bummed bumming bummer