Thursday, May 17, 2012

Chris Collision on John Tortorella (on Marek vs. Wyshynski)

Marek vs. Wyshynski is always a good listen, and I can't tell you how much mileage I've gotten out of their "Question of the Day" feature. Been swamped at work, so it's been a hell of a long time since I've been able to give them any kind of answer. Today, in the wake of Rangers' coach John Tortorella incurring the wrath of pretty much the entire universe for some post-loss press stonewalling--he answered a bare handful of questions, and never said anything longer or more informative than "I'm going to keep that in the (locker) room."--the question was "Well, if Torts isn't going to answer anything anyway, what questions should the reporters ask?".

I threw the following tantrum, which they were gracious/amused enough to read. Thanks, guys! Hope everybody finds some amusement.

--Collision, sniping at his betters, like always

Q: What Questions Should Reporters Be Asking John Tortorella?

Chris Collision's Answer:

Oh, I dunno. Don't know as I've *ever* heard an actually insightful, incisive, challenging question from a sports reporter after a game anyway, so maybe we can cut the bullshit & admit we're all just bizarrely desperate to hear the same kind of nonsense every coach gives every time.

Just fill in your own idiotic coach-speak:

'he pointed out his team needed to improve its compete level, and went on to describe jam, grit, hustle, and accountability as good and necessary things. Asked specific questions, he noted that he would prefer to answer after he'd seen the tape. He declined to offer any insight into roster or strategic changes, past, present, or future. He thanked us for our time.'

There. I have now written every beat writer's after-game coach interview story for all time. Can we please stop pretending any information ever comes out of these ludicrous exercises?

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