Thursday, December 22, 2011

learning!

From Puck Daddy:

Earlier this week, Tim Thomas of the Boston Bruins explained that his team likes to get stronger as the game goes on: "Stronger 'til dawn, like Lancelot. …You know Lancelot, the knight? The real duels they had, some of them would go all night, because they had so much armor and they were so heavy, they could hardly move. Legend is that he just kept getting stronger the longer it went, so that's what I mean by that."

And now we know what Tim Thomas calls his penis.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

keeping it up

Game 27 vs. Detroit Red Wings 4-2
IF THERE BE A THING BETTER
THAN A SHORT-HANDED GWG AGAINST THE ILLITCH TECHOLOGIES OF DETROIT
MAY I NEVER OF THEM LEARN
GALLIARDI & LANDESKOG RAMPANT, LORD VARLAMOV TOTIPOTENT
BEST MOMENT OF THE YEAR SINCE THAT EARLY STREAK?
MAYBE

Saturday, December 3, 2011

goin' in circles

HEAVY TUNES brought to us today from the ineffably righteous Ted Leo and the surpassingly cool Valient Thorr.

Game 22 vs. Vancouver Canucks 0-3
ONE THING ABOUT THE AVALANCHE: THEY REGARD BACKUP GOALTENDERS WITH DISTRUST AND FEAR--LIKE THEY REGARD FIRE AND DANGEROUS THINGS--AND SO THEY ARE EXCEEDINGLY RELUCTANT EVEN TO ATTEMPT TO GAIN THE ZONE AGAINST THEM
60 SLIPPERY MINUTES OF DUMP-AND-DON'T-CHASE LATER, THE AVS GIVE UP AN EMPTY-NETTER TO RYAN 'DISLIKED' KESLER

Game 23 vs. Edmonton Oilers 5-2
WANNA HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY?
AVS GOT A NEW D-MAN!
HE SCORED A GOAL HIS VERY FIRST GAME! YAY!
WANNA HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY?
AVS NEEDED A NEW D-MAN!
WANNA KNOW WHY?
THEIR FRANCHISE D-MAN, THE GUY THE LEGACY OF THEIR GM WILL PERMANENTLY DEPEND UPON...GOT HIS GROIN ALL FUCKERED UP...BEING BAG SKATED AFTER THE SHITSHOW AGAINST THE CANUCKS
HAW HAW HAW
(DON'T GET ME STARTED ON "ENTERED GAME DOWN 1-2 AGAINST EDMONTON AT HOME ON EDMONTON'S 4TH GAME IN 6 NIGHTS"
JUST LET ME ENJOY THIS ONE)

Game 24 vs. Dallas "Stars" 1-3
OH GOD, FORMER AVS GOALTENDER LOOKS LIKE JACQUES FUCKING PLANTE AGAINST THE AVS:
Stars' Raycroft earns 1st win in over a year
ONLY--AND I MEAN ONLY--GOOD THING ABOUT THIS GAME IS THAT IT GOT JIBBLESCRIBBITS ALL FIRED UP AND SHOWING THAT STASTNY SPENT THE BULK OF HIS NIGHT IN FRONT OF ANDREW RAYCROFT
(can't remember who then asked "is that where he's actually going to be most useful?" but I wish I could, and I would like to answer that question: NO, NO IT IS NOT WHERE HE IS MOST USEFUL)

Game 25 vs. New Jersey Devils 6-1
LAST YEAR, CODY MCLEOD SCORED ON MARTY BRODEUR
THAT IS NOT A JOKE
5 GOALS LAST YEAR, AND ONE WAS AGAINST THE REDOUBTABLE FAT MAN
I DO LOVE WATCHING THE GUY LOSE

Game 26 vs. St. Louis Blues 3-2 (SO)
THIS ONE WAS A CORKER, LADS!
LONG, STRESS-FILLED, HIGHLIGHTED BY LORD VARLAMOV, RYAN O'MY HE IS GOOD AT HOCKEY'REILLY AND JAROSLAV HALAK DOING HIS BEST ARTURS IRBE SPINNING-HOLY-SHIT SAVE ROUTINE