Got literally murdered today at work, so I don't have a huge amount of time for this, but it bears thinking about: last year, Brian Elliott was, in very, very few games for the Avs, like world-historically bad. Like .891 Sv%, 2 wins vs. 8 losses, 3.83 goals allowed a game bad. Bad enough that if I could write for shit, I would have taken him to Vesa Toskala's woodshed.
File photo of the only goaltending performance worse than Brian Elliott's 2010-11.
In other news, another thrilling Clear the Crease Challenge has begun, as Bogdan von Pylon's Calgary "poor hockey players" Flames host the "unsustainably hot" Colorado Avalanche to-night. If the Flames win, I will post a sonnet about every goal-scorer tonight; if the Avs prevail, von Pylon will sigh, shrug and get on with his life.
--Collison, who knows how to keep things interesting
Not as interesting as Modano, though. S/t to Puck Daddy, duh, for this image.
Home-&-home vs. the foetid Blackhawks, & what I thought would be a clarificatory exercise proved only a further muddle.
Ten percent of the season down, a couple of this team's best players (Johnson, Duchene) have yet to be their best players, with Johnson coming in for more than a bit of beaking from Anyone But Detroit and Dutchy actually banished to the fourth line the last game. The first and second lines have been inconsistent in production and personnel, as Coach Sacco tries--somewhat in vain, given the roster's tremendous weakness at right wing--to find combinations reasonably without weakness. The team seems, like two years ago, to be getting outshot every single night, and yet is 6-2; they're undefeated on the road, winless at home. A conundrum. But the goalies have performed well, the third line has been strong beyond all expectations--Ryan O'Reilly's gym-rat obsessiveness driving him to nearly a point-a-game pace at this early stage, rookie Gabriel Landeskog playing with aggression & aplomb--and the team's nigh-impeccable when it comes to the skills contest that ends far too many games, 14-1 in their last 15.
Unable to pierce to the root of the Avs, I'll just dump the puck in & go for a line change: the Blackhawks will always be a bad measuring stick for the Avs, because they've got the speed & skill to keep up with the Burgandy & Blue, while also having superior size and experience. (I also think Chicago's Quenneville is a notch better than Sacco. That's no knock on Sacco, who is thoroughly competent, and, based on his goalie handling thru 8 games, still improving.) Another bad comparison will be the Sharks, whose forward size is going to give the Avs problems eternal.
Game 7 1-3 vs Chicago Blackhawks LIKE SOUNDGARDEN I'VE GOT NOTHING TO SAY LORD VARLAMOV HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-SCORED-ON HOWEVER WOULD LIKE TO POINT SOMETHING OUT IT IS FUCK YOU Game 8 5-4 (SO) @ Chicago Blackhawks HARD TO PLAY AGAINST A FLAWLESS TEAM INCAPABLE OF EVEN A SINGLE PENALTY IN 65 MINUTES STOP STOP STOP GIVING UP THE GODDAMNED LEADS AVS STASTNY OVER TOEWS LORD VARLAMOV HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-SCORED-ON OVER SCOREY CHUMPFORD
--Collision, suiting up at right wing pretty soon, if Yip doesn't get healthy with a quickness
Doesn't suck, but power forwards tend to be goal producers, and I think the "points" metric used in the original favors assist machines like Spezza. I think I'd prioritize goals, not points. And the writer noted wanting to reward people who are physical but still manage to play in a lot of games, so perhaps something like: PFI = (goals/game * 10) + (hits/game * 1.5) * (games played/possible games played)
Have to play with this a little bit, see what kind of names fall out.
--Collision, worse at spreadsheets than any man alive
Missed the Canadiens barn-burner, b/c I was busy being a bougy Californian with Noodles, visiting a charming little bed & breakfast, hanging out on a beach, watching three hermit crabs eat and kill--in that order--a larger crab, eating my first, vast bowl of cioppino, smelling goats and eating their cheese, just generally doing very nicely for myself thank you very much, bros an' sis.
I'd been getting kind of worried about Stastny, too: while I think he's all-'round our best player, he's a sensitive guy prone to funks when things aren't going well, and he'd had a raft of bad breaks those first few games. So it's an excellent sign that Anyone but Detroit notes that his line rolled against Montreal.
Maybe this is a little too video game player of me, but the lines the first game or two worried me: we had Mueller - Duchene - Hejduk which is a little too skilled, not quite physical enough. Duchene between Lindstrom & Hejduk is a little tougher--and a lot more productive. I always like a scoring line with (1) some finish, either with the wrist or a big slapper, (2) at least one guy with real speed, (3) at least one grind type/physical player. The original Duchene line didn't have that third element, and I think Lindstrom is bringing that a little bit more, which frees up Duchene to make plays, and carves out room for Hejduk to snipe.
Game 6 3-2 @ Toronto Maple Leafs J-S GIGUERE PROVES HIMSELF A RELIABLE BACKUP TO LORD VARLAMOV HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-SCORED-ON OUTSHOT AGAIN IN A WIN AND THE ADVANCED STAT WEENIES CAN EAT IT CONTINUING TO CRUSH ALL OPPOSITION FACEOFFWISE OT GAMEWINNER FROM DAVID 'NICKNAME' JONES AVS STEALING GAMES, BANKING POINTS, THRILLING ME
It's a nervous-making kind of winning streak, this five in a row on the road. Getting outshot every night, going to OT & shootouts all over the place, it smells a lot like the other shoe's just gotta start dropping any time now. But the best players have been the best players--no surprises on the scoring list, & nothing but relief when it comes to the goaltending. Giguere's been solid in his two starts, Lord Varlmamov He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Scored-On has alternated between reliable and spectacular, and Coach Sacco has pleasantly surprised us by trotting out his backup twice in the first six games. I think the Sacco of the past two years would have started Giguere only in the second night of the back-to-back: he may be figuring out a workable goalie rotation that keeps both as fresh and as sharp as possible. 'Tis, anyways, a consummation devoutly to be desired.
--Collision, flat-out caught up in the excitement (and, yes, I know it's not going to be like this all year--but 10 points in October count the same as any other 10 points you can get, and the losses the other teams have won't come off the books until the season ends, so!
When it comes to a road game against a reasonably tough team, early in the season, it's maybe not the smartest idea to overreact, but
Game 1 3-2 @ Columbus Blue Jackets GODDAMNIT, TURNOVERS, LONG STRETCHES GETTING OUTSHOT, HAD TO BE BAILED OUT BY A COUPLE MAGIC PLAYS BY LORD VARLAMOV HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-SCORED-ON THIS IS FLAT-OUT A TERRIFYING HARBINGER OF A WIN
Game 1: 0-3 vs. Detroit Red Wings OH GAWD SHUT OUT IN THE HOME OPENER THIS TEAM IS A NIGHTMARE OF INCOMPETENCE THEY'LL NEVER WIN A GAME THE SKY ISN'T FALLING IT FELT
Game 2: 1-0 @ Boston Bruins ALL HAIL LORD VARLAMOV HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-SCORED-UPON WE HAVE BEATEN THE CHAMPIONS ON THEIR ICE AND TURCO'D THEIR VALIANT RASK ARE WE NOT NOW THE CHAMPIONS? AND SURELY WE SHALL BE A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH ALL YEAR LONG
A little bit of sanity should perhaps insert itself, said Ryan Lambert this morning on Puck Daddy but seriously, fuck that. Lord Varlamov and his Puck Eaters are gathering strength, and soon they will burst forth from their lair and reclaim the throne that is rightfully theirs.
--Collision, who probably should reread a little bit before going hard w/ a Harry Potter metaphor
Why are all the Russians extra "enigmatic" this year?
Well, there was a plane crash. A whole team died. Shit-ton of former NHL players. Lots of tributes all year.
Seems like the bruiser ass-kicky guys are a little glum this year, too...
Yeah, about that...uhm. Well, this isn't all that easy. But a couple guys...a couple guys went into the offseason...and didn't...they didn't make it. Belak, Boogaard, Rypien.
Not a huge surprise Grantland isn't covering this more, after the beatdown they got the last time they tried to go down this road. But it's a striking omission in what bills itself as "some things to think about". I guess Milan Lucic's girlfriend's shoes are a bigger kick than 47 people who kicked off.
--Collision, thinking about stuff
1By my rough count, 11 links to YouTube, 5 to Puck Daddy, 5 to ESPN, 3 each to the LA & NY Times, 3 to twitter/twitpic, 2 to Grantland, Bodog, and TSN, 1 each to sportsclubstats.com, Globe & Mail, Sporting News, National Post, Dispatch.com, Wikipedia, Slam, USA Today, zoomoda, CBC, nhlwheelofjustice, The Coaches Site, Men's Fitness, Deadspin, The Score, post-gazette, Philly Sports Daily, NBC, Philadelphia Eagles.
Clear the Crease knows that the thousands of readers...reading...and the millions of bloggers ripping us off around the world are highly partisan obsessives who boil everything hockey-related down to exactly one factor:
what exactly will it take for my team to win a Cup this year?
With our matchless database of hockey history--incorporating literally every play ever recorded in an official NHL game--and infinite reserves of sagacity, Clear the Crease is happy to spell out that factor for whatever your team might be. Later this week, we'll go ahead and assess your squad in light of their likely access to the identified factor.
Calgary Flames (1989): an epic Moustache and a butthurt midget
Montreal Canadiens (1916, 1924, 1930, 1944, 1946, 1953, 1956-1960, 1965-66, 1968-69, 1971, 1973, 1976-79, 1986, 1993): a radically unbalanced league and a territorial draft
Toronto Maple Leafs (1918, 1922, 1932, 1942, 1945, 1947-49, 1951, 1962, 1963, 1964, 1967): Prohibition and a nascent civil rights movement
Detroit Red Wangs (1997-98, 2002, 2008): Republican control of the White House, Congress, and Supreme Court
Boston Bruins (1970, 1972, 2011): the world's best defenceman + Montreal forgetting to curb-stomp them
New York Islanders (1980-83): a defeated, humiliated nation in a recession & without the energy to worry about keeping good hockey in actual major metropolitan areas
Edmonton Oilers (1984-85, 1987-88, 1990): a defeated, humiliated nation to the south that's in a recession & without the energy to worry about keeping good hockey in actual major metropolitan areas + all the cocaine in the whole world
New York Rangers (1928, 1933, 1940, 1994): sunshine; dog's ass
Colorado Avalanche (1996, 2001): Philadelphia + a world-historically stupid family
Philadelphia Flyers (1974-75): a league allowing the "neck-punch" defensive alignment
Pittsburgh Penguins (1991-92, 2009): everybody forgetting to worry about tanking for a couple years to get the world's best players
New Jersey Devils (1995, 2000, 2003): see Philadelphia + a competent goalie under the age of 212 + that goalie forgetting to choke
Anaheim Ducks (2007): Pronger
Chicago Black Hawks (1934, 1938, 1961, 2010): Pronger
In more recent times, all heroes have fallen, myths bled of use, our tongues are rotten, no hope nor art can stand under the weight of an American moral and sensual vacuum, no voice penetrates the echo-shield, and all connected conversation withers, dies, is replaced by infinite varieties of infinitely monotonous masturbation. Stoned, numb, isolate, I find ferocious ambivalence now more my speed.
With respect to the Avs, no knowledge whatever is possible. At this moment, no known theory of hockey can predict the squad's performance:
in goal: two brand-new twineminders, one over the hill, one gamble turned absolutely terrifying*.
on the blueline: a wholly revamped roster, no proven offensive defenseman, and a wholesale change in style, from speed kills to the bigger they are, the harder they hit. No way to tell how long this will take to work, if indeed it can work.
up front:
A couple known quantities--Dutchy, Stats, Hejduk--supplemented by a full raft of the underwhelming (Lindstrom, McClement), the unlikely (Mauldin, McLeod), & the unreliable (Mueller).
It's a cardboard-flat roster coached by a cipher, a year-long symphony of bottles smashed in the parking lot, a season of shaky-handed morning-after head-shaving parties (to punish where all the bad thoughts live, banish their efflorescences with Oster buzz and jackhammer drums), a grind of searching for moral victories, nine months of nights of sullen drinking and dread-suffused daylight hours leading up to another dull-eyed witnessing of a savage beating received in some another shitty city***.
Everything in the back end smells to me like a competent but slow D in front of goaltending that's below the league average.
This is a step up from last year, mind you, which "boasted" an unending goaltending nightmare of frankly Turcovian proportions behind a non-mighty mite-sized defensive corps. This year's forwards look to have some difficulty with scoring, in the way that this year's first-graders look to have some difficulty with specifying a decision procedure to determine the truth of arbitrary propositions in the theory of Peano arithmetic.
It's a likeable enough bunch--Erik Johnson, Stastny, Matt Duchene, Giguere, Hejduk, David Jones** are all figures earning respect and affection through performance and demeanor--but I note all of these are, charitably, players of the second tier.
We're fucked.
--Chris Collision, who has eyes that see who has a brain that thinks who has a mouth that speaks and goddamn it will because he's tired of hearing all this shit about making do playing ball the way things are and dealing with it
*This offseason, Semyon Varlamov nearly went to the Lokomotiv Yaroslavl team that died in a plane crash. He spent 8 years in their program. I suspect strongly the Avalanche gave up two good draft picks to acquire a man who has just had the permanent whammy put on him.
**On David Jones: I am reminded of a crack someone once made about Eddie Johnson--who scored more points in the NBA than any other player who never made an All-Star team--"he's the perfect player to be the star of this (Sacramento Kings) team (that nobody cares about and that is going nowhere)". If I remember aright, the comment actually ran "the perfect player to be the star of a team that plays in a city most Californians can't find on the map". This is what it feels like to be led in scoring by a man named "David Jones" (who didn't manage to attain 30 goals...).
Not entirely sure why I'm once again dreaming about hockey, but this morning had the entire Clear the Crease brigade flung around a round table in a not-quite-dark-enough dive bar somewhere in San Jose. The cocktail waitress had approached us and in the course of soliciting our orders had expressed her deep enthusiasm over the Sharks' extending invitations to Owen Nolan, Jed Ortmeyer, and Darren Haydar: "I mean, physical, experienced, scoring touch. That's gonna be such a dope fourth line for us this--
Pierre Idiot Trudeau: I really don't think those guys are going to make the team.
Waitress: Well, but--
Pierre Idiot Trudeau: I really don't think they're going to make the team.
Waitress: They could really be a good fourth--
Pierre Idiot Trudeau: They're not going to make the team.
Waitress: ...
Pierre Idiot Trudeau: Seriously. There's no reason to tinker with the lower lines on that team. Those guys were just invited to camp. They're really not going to make the team.
Bogdan von Pylon: Uh, can we get our drinks now?
Waitress begins to leave.
Pierre Idiot Trudeau: I really don't think they're going to make the team.
