Sunday, October 27, 2013

Punk Song for Every Owner: Jeremy Jacobs, Argh Fuck Kill

Boston Bruins owner Jeremy Jacobs is proof positive that savage, chiseling, union-busting nightmares sometimes finish first. This viper followed seasons of all-conquering team success by being one of the prime movers behind a lockout that annihilated half an entire season, thereby effortlessly obliterating the line between "hardliner" and "complete dipshit". Fuck him.

(Song Choice by Our Own Bogdan von Pylon)

Bruins' Achievements That Weren't Important Enough for Jeremy Jacobs to Refrain from Nuking a Season, in His Billionaire's Wisdom

  • 2008-2009 Vezina + Jennings Trophies for best goaltender + lowest goals-against average for a season
  • 2008-2009 Jack Adams award for best coach
  • 2008-2009 Norris Trophy for best defenseman
  • 2010-2011 Stanley Cup
  • 2010-2011 Vezina Trophy for best goaltender
  • 2010-2011 Conn Smythe Trophy for best player in the playoffs
  • 2011-2012 Selke Trophy for best defensive forward

Exactly how successful do these masters of the universe have to be before they stop fighting for the rules to be changed ever more in their favor? Exactly how much do you have to win before you stop cheating?

—Collision, who probably shouldn't've told his boss to eat shit

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