Tuesday, March 13, 2012

that tasty line brawl shit

I. All Your First-Rounders Are Belong to the Columbus Blue Jackets

Pierre Idiot Trudeau: Pretty sure the BJ's are gonna have 10 first rounders next June...

Collision: That's good!

Pierre Idiot Trudeau: They are hiring Milbury.

Collision: That's bad. But Milbury actually always drafted...pretty...well?

Pierre Idiot Trudeau: But he is going to trade the picks for "all the ones that got away". Offering 2 first-rounders for Bertuzzi, 3 for Luongo.

Collision: That's 5 left! And Luongo & Bertuzzi still have something in the tank.

Pierre Idiot Trudeau: I guess Carter is pretty good, but a solid 231-pound Dman and a mid round first in a deep draft? Seems like a lot...I woulda wanted a third liner with potential, but the price tag is the price tag. Will it propel the Kings into contention? Doubtful.

Collision: The Kings don't have any third-liners with potential. And Carter is expensive, but the exact guy they needed. If everything breaks exactly right, they now have two distinct scoring lines & a dynamite power play.

Pierre Idiot Trudeau: Hmmm. Well, that would put them in Canucks/Detroit territory. If it holds up.

Pierre Idiot Trudeau: Jesus, would the Canucks just go get Avery already?

Collision: Not gonna happen. Fucking litterbug just is done. (ED. NOTE: Collision made the litterbug joke via personal email several hours before GC did.)

II. Everybody from Canada Expects You to Know Everyone in Canada
Canada=Provincial as Portland, NYC, SF, etc.

Pierre Idiot Trudeau: Loving the Tony Gallagher idea that the Canucks are 'Struggling to Score". Muckraking ass. Also former Kurtenblog guys think Canucks are weaker.

Collision: What the minny ripperton is a Tony Gallagher? The watermelon guy?

Pierre Idiot Trudeau: Province columnist for 30 years.

Collision: So...not the watermelon guy? Or?

Pierre Idiot Trudeau: Not. But, then, I think he did a few Grizzlies columns, so you never know.

III. Collision Has a Bad Day

Pierre Idiot Trudeau: Cody who? Kassian elevates to "My Boyfriend" status.

Pierre Idiot Trudeau: This idiot color guy for Nashville sounds drunk. Oh, it's Terry Crisp. That makes sense.

III.5 On the Most Recent Kronwall Hit

Pierre Idiot Trudeau: Jesus. I will guess 4 games. 2 steps, right to the head, a bit late...

Jew Grimson: Well, fuck, as an EMT, I have to see it now whether I want to or not, so as to check for decorticate or decrebriate posturing & compare notes w/ the medical report.

Collision: Steven Stamkos: Down with the sickness.

Jew Grimson: Damn. Got me for a second. I think my initial response was "a wha-uh-huh-huh?" Then I realized you were kidding.

Bogdan von Pylon: I don't get it.

Pierre Idiot Trudeau: Roloson needs to be put down with a quickness.

Collision: "Down" = 'interested in, associated with', "sick" = 'skilled, talented, impressive', Steven Stamkos = very, very good at hockey, "down with the sickness" = giant nu-metal hit from some years back.

Jew Grimson: Do they even bother putting other guys on the ice in Tampa? I'm surprised there aren't 3 skaters on Stamkos whether he has the puck or not. Let him beat you with assists instead of goals.

Bogdan von Pylon: Ew. All right. Stamkos may be wicked awesome, but he plays for Tampon Bay, so fuck him.

Collision: Tough but fair.

Jew Grimson: First few months of the season, I'm thinking Toews is at least as good as him offensively. Forget the injury: it's clear that Stamkos is playing on another level.

IV. Avs Crushing Wild

Collision: Weird. Really didn't think the Wild would start gooning it up.

Jew Grimson: That was sarcasm, right? Clutterbuck is no one I want lined up against me on the ice. And the guy can actually play.

Collision: No he can't. 750 'hits' a year at home, -600 on the road. He's a competent hitter if he can see your numbers and you lose an edge. Everything that's wrong with the sport. Pure product of a homer stats team.

Jew Grimson: Cheap. I'd take Clutterbuck o'er anyone on my 3rd or 4th line. Dude's vicious w/ hits, plays mostly clean, and is 14 & 8 right now. If Cal's hits are signifcantly less on the road, might be stat bias on the other home reporting crew. Easily my favorite forward w/ no Hawks ties. Then in fantasyland, Chara & Weber = defensive pairing.

Collision: That's a real good fantasy. (And he's out tonight w/ a concussion anyway. So the question is moot.)

Pierre Idiot Trudeau: I have that He-Man/Four NonBlondes video in my head.

Collision: Welp. There's always suicide.

Jew Grimson: I saw Clutterbuck put a clean hit on Seabiscuit that was probably the most upsetting thing I've seen since James Wiz turned out #7s lights before he hit the ice.

Collision: I refer you to the parable of the ray (Whitney) of sunshine and the dog's ass.

V. Collision Has a Good Day

Collision: Cody McLeod just cost Josh Harding at least a million dollars a year.

Jew Grimson: Good on the Highlander.

Bogdan von Pylon: I can't wait to watch that highlight. First of the year?

Collision: Fifth! And, oddly, his second breakaway-like goal.

Bogdan von Pylon: Because he's known for his speed...

Collision: And his finish!

Collision: Yeah, he's had a real good week. Think his skating has improved. And he's cut down on his bad minors. (ED. NOTE: the weird part is that Joe Sacco agrees. Eerie.)

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