the season, the

Game 28 @ Vancouver Canucks 0-6
OKAY, SO MAYBE I'VE MENTIONED BEFORE THAT THE AVALANCHE OF COLORADO CANNOT PLAY HOCKEY WELL IN WESTERN CANADA--WHAT A SHAME THAT THE REALIGNMENT ONCE FLOATED NOW IS DEAD AS COLUMBUS' 1ST LINE, NOT THAT IT REALLY WOULD HAVE (REDACTED) HELPED ANYWAYS--AND IT TURNS OUT THAT PLAYING ONE OF THE BEST TEAMS IN HOCKEY IN AN ENVIRONMENT PREVENTING THE AVALANCHE FROM PLAYING WELL AT ALL AGAINST ANYBODY...IT DOESN'T HELP
(CONFIDENTIAL TO ANY GODS WHO MAY BE READING THIS: PLEASE, PLEASE SMITE THE 'NUCKS...I WILL SELF-HARM, I WILL SACRIFICE ANY DUMB BEAST WITH NO FAMILIAR NAME...JUST TAKE THEM AWAY FROM THE EARTH)

Game 29 @ Calgary Flames 2-3
I DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THE CALGARY LAMES ANYMORE

Game 30 @ Edmonton Oilers 1-4
PRETTY MUCH THE WHOLE SEASON:
I ALTERNATE BETWEEN BORGNINE & HACKMAN...

...FUCK THIS TEAM...

Game 31 vs. San Jose Sharks 4-3 (SO)
I LOVE THIS TEAM!!
MORE AWESOME MILAN HEJDUKERY IN THE SHOOTOUT, THIS TIME SETTING UP ESTIMABLE ROOKIE ROOKERY FROM GABRIEL 'can we draft a couple more like that? no? because we traded our draft picks away for a streaky/gifted goalie? ... K...' LANDESKOG, PLUS INTENSE, INTENSELY RAD GOALS FROM STEFAN 'this kid can move' ELLIOTT & MATT 'revising my expectations downward' DUCHENE...TYPICALLY WINNIKY GOAL FROM WINNIK...THIS GAME WAS SATISFYING...

Game 32 @ San Jose Sharks 4-5
I HATE THIS FUCKING TEAM
UP 4-2 AFTER 2, PAUL 'actually our best player if anybody cares or cares to admit it' STASTNY WITH A HARDLY-PRECEDENTED 2 GOALS
THEN A NIGH-PATENTED LATE-GAME COLLAPSE

Game 33 vs. Washington Capitals 2-1
JUST EXACTLY THE WAY YOU'D DRAW UP A GAME AGAINST A TOP-TIER COACH--AND FORMER real good player HATCHET MAN BEHINDHITTER--LIKE DALE HUNTER: A RANDOM FLUB FROM A GOALIE ON A ON-NET DUMP-IN FROM DALE HUNTER CLONE CODY MCLEOD + A ACTUALLY RATHER GORGEOUS SLAPSHOT FROM ERIK JOHNSON...SHOCKING--SHOCKING!--HUNTER COULDN'T IDENTIFY A WAY TO COUNTER OFFENSE THAT WAS INNOVATIVE LIKE CHRIS KANYON!
ONE ASSUMES HE'LL HAVE A NICE LONG OFFSEASON TO PONDER THE NECESSARY COUNTERMEASURES
BUT WHATEVS:
JUST WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BRING A WHL COACH (AND OHL RECRUITER) TO AN NHL GAME...

Game 34 vs. Philadelphia Flyers 3-2 (S0)
NOT MUCH TO SEE/SAY HERE: EASTERN CONTENDERS SUCK ICE IN THE REGULAR SEASON WEST...I HAVE VERY RARELY THIS SEASON BEEN A SAD PERSON WHEN GABRIEL LANDESKOG SCORED A GOAL...I AM NOT A SAD PERSON TO-NIGHT
...I AM A DRUNK PERSON TO-NIGHT, HOWEVER...

Game 35 vs. St. Louis Blues 3-2
BRIAN 'world-historically bad last year--but arguably it was a fluke' ELLIOTT vs. J-S GIGUERE FOR THE TITLE OF INDISPUTABLY THE BEST GOALIE BARGAIN IN THE LEAGUE THIS YEAR:
JIGGY GETS THE WIN, WITH 37 SAVES, ELLIOTT TAKES THE LOSS, WITH 19 SAVES, JIGGY MAKES 1.5 MIL, ELLIOTT MAKES .6 MIL...CALL IT A HELL OF A SHREWD MOVE FOR EACH TEAM, BEGRUDGE NOBODY THEIR SUCCESS, EVERYBODY SHAKE HANDS, SMILE AT THE MAN YOU FOUGHT, AND TIP ONE FOR YOUR GOALTENDER WHO HAS BAILED YOU OUT AN AWFUL DAMN' LOT THIS YEAR--
SERIOUSLY: THANKS, GIGUERE: YOU HAVE BEEN A HELL OF A PLAYER THROUGH SOME SHITSTORM BREAKDOWNS, FIZZBRAINED DECISIONS, & CACKHANDED EXECUTIONS
OH AND LAST YEAR I SUGGESTED QUITE IN EARNEST THAT EVERY GOALTENDER BEATEN BY CODY MCLEOD THAT YEAR SHOULD RETIRE
I DO NOT THINK BRIAN ELLIOTT SHOULD RETIRE
BUT I CAN'T NOT RECOGNIZE CODY MAC'S 2ND GOAL IN THREE GAMES

Game 36 vs. Tampa Bay Lightning 2-1 (OT)
'DRIFTY' DUCHENE WITH AN OT WINNER!?
I'LL TAKE IT!

Game 37 @ Minnesota Mild 4-2
WE ARE NEVER GOING TO LOSE AGAIN!
STICKING IT TO TEAM AFTER TEAM AFTER TEAM, GOING INTO MINNESOTA, WHERE WE NEVER WIN, HALF THE TOP-LINE GUYS GETTING GOALS (GALLY, FACTOR, LANDESKOG), LANDESKOG NOTCHING A COACH-KILLER IN THE 2ND--REALLY STARTING TO THINK THIS TEAM MIGHT HAVE SOME SPECIAL QUALITIES ENABLING IT TO GO SOME EXCITING PLACES!

Game 38 vs. Winnipeg Jets 1-4
I HATE THIS FUCKING TEAM
GUTLESS BALLLESS NOSHOW QUITTER HORSESHIT BACK-TO-BACK MY ASS TRADE EVERYBODY

Game 39 vs. Phoenix Coyotes 3-2
WHOOO! NOTHING LIKE A SOLID WIN OVER A GARBAGE-HITTING TORRES-EMPLOYING TRAP SQUAD LIKE THE PHOENIX CONTRACTEMALREADIES, CAPPED BY A GWG FROM INCREASINGLY CHARISMATIC/SUSPICIOUSLY HANDSOME PUNDIT GABRIEL 'complete me' LANDESKOG! TO SAY NOTHING OF THE SAVAGE UTILE BRILLIANT DISGUISE MANEUVER EMPLOYED BY KEVIN PORTER, PULLING THE OLD PAVEL BURE PLAY--CHERRYPICKING OUT OF THE PENALTY BOX, YES, IT'S HARD TO FIND ANY FAULT WITH A CONTEST THIS THOROUGHLY ENJOYAB--

WAIT

WAIT

WAIT

WHOGOT HURT AGAIN?

WAIT

WAIT

WAIT

MATT 'underwhelming but still the most talented guy we have' DUCHENE RIPPED UP HIS KNEE TRYING TO THROW A CHECK...NO MORE RECAPS: I'M GOING TO HANG MYSELF TONIGHT

Game 40 @ Anaheim Ducks 4-2
HOMECOMING WIN FOR THE INESTIMABLE GIGUERE
TWO GOALS FOR THE LAST INDISPUTABLY GREAT AV, MILAN 'glory days' HEJDUK,
ALL IT TOOK WAS A VISIT TO A TERRIBLE TEAM
FUCK IT
I'LL TAKE IT--BUT I'D TAKE IT A LOT BETTER IF I THOUGHT LORD VARLAMOV HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-SCORED-UPON AND PICK-YOUR-ACTUALLY-TALENTED-FORWARD-NOT-NAMED-LANDESKOG-OR-O'REILLY WERE TAKING LESSONS FROM AGED BUT PUISSANT EXAMPLE HANDS LIKE GIGUERE/HEJDUK, OR IF I THOUGHT GIGUERE/HEJDUK WERE TAKING THOSE DUDES UNDER THEIR WINGS--
WINGS, I HATE THE RED WINGS
WINGS, I HATE THE SHOW WINGS
WINGS, DID YOU KNOW MARC CRAWFORD PRONOUNCED THE NAME 'hedge duck' WHEN SOMEBODY ASKED HIM WHAT HE THOUGHT ABOUT THE NEWLY DRAFTED MILAN HEJDUK HAW HAW HAW WHAT A DUMMY MARC CRAWFORD WAS, ILLITERATE BUFFOON VANCOUVER RODENT WHO CLEARLY WAS NOT YET PETER PRINCIPLEING HIS WAY THROUGH HIS TEAM'S ROSTER, JUST...YOU KNOW...JUST 'COACHING' AT THAT POINT, HAW HAW HAW

Game 41 @ Los Angeles Kings 2-1 (SO)
TRITE, BUT I DO LOVE A TIGHT GAME DECIDED BY NEW HOTNESS RYAN O'REILLY AND ANCIENT WONDER MILAN HEJDUK--PARTICULARLY WHEN OUR GOALIE, WHO WE ESSENTIALLY HAVE TO ROOT FOR REGARDLESS OF HIS PERFORMANCE, GIVEN THE 1ST + 2ND WE GAVE UP FOR HIM, PUTS UP 31 SAVES AND IS SHOOTOUT-FLAWFREE
SOME NIGHTS...YOU JUST HAVE A LOT TO LIKE

Game 42 @ Chicago Blackhawks 4-0
YAY!

Game 43 @ St. Louis Blues 0-4
BOO!

Game 44 vs. Nashville Predators 1-4
HEY GUYS YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUN IS WHEN YOUR TEAM TAKES THE PIPE FOR A PERIOD, GOES DOWN BY 3 GOALS, THEN GETS TO SKATE AROUND LIKE CRAZY FOR A COUPLE OF PERIODS, CONVINCING EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD THAT "wow, the Avs are really taking it to the Preds now!" WHEN IN FACT
(a) THE PREDS WERE JUST HANGING BACK & CONSERVING ENERGY KNOWING THAT PEKKA "man, that goalie is solid" RINNE COUGHS UP 3-GOAL LEADS ABOUT AS OFTEN AS CHRIS COLLISION TURNS DOWN A BEER
(b) THE ENTIRE WORLD IS FUCKING FULL OF MORON IDIOT DIPSHITS
THAT'S FUN

Game 45 @ Nashville Predators 2-3 (OT)
WHAT PROFITS A MAN, IF HE GAIN THE LOSER POINT AND LOSE HIS OWN...UHM...GAME?
WHAT PROFITS A TEAM, IF THEY GAIN A TWO-GOAL LEAD THEN KIND OF JUST PLAY GRAB-ASS AND FUCKAROUND FUCKAROUND FUCKAROUND ALL THE REST OF THE NIGHT, BEFORE GIVING UP A PAIR OF GOALS TO DAVID 'seriously, you guys, his name is literally the greatest euphemism for "magic penis" I can imagine' LEGWAND?
SADLY, THOUGH JOE SACCO IS A GOOD COACH WHO I LIKE AND RESPECT, I DO OF AN EVENING SUSPECT HE MAY BE BETTER SUITED FOR COACHING THIS GAME I'VE MOOTED
THE ONE CALLED:
FUCKAROUND FUCKAROUND FUCKAROUND
(AND ALL THOSE WHO'VE PLAYED THAT GAME KNOW HOW IT ENDS: NOT WITH ANY SHOOTING OUT, BUT WITH--PRETTY SOON...YOU WON'T BE AROUND)

Game 46 @ Dallas Stars 2-1
AH YET ANOTHER TENSE ONE AGAINST THE "STARS" BUT NICE FOR THE GWG TO FEATURE A SHOT BY ERIK JOHNSON, TIPPED BY PAUL STASTNY
AND NICE FOR YOUNG MR. LANDESKOG TO ROLL OVER OLD MR. BRENDEN "BRANDON" MORROW AND THEREBY WIN YET STILL MORE RESPECT
EVENTUALLY, IN 15 OR SO YEARS, PERHAPS LANDESKOG CAN RETIRE AND APPRENTICE HIMSELF TO THE SUN-BELT MYSTERY-SOLVING TEAM BRENDEN & BRENDAN, AS THE TITULAR RESPECTIVE MESSERS MORROW & MORRISON WHO BY NIGHT MELD INTO ONE SURGING FIGURE, THE MIGHTY SORT OF...VOLTRON WEREWOLF--"BRENDAEN" IS HIS NAME-O--STALKING THE HEAT-BLASTED SUBDEVELOPMENTS OF THE NON-"SOUTH" SOUTHERN U.S., SOLVING THOSE GENTLE DEPREDATIONS ONCE PRIVATELY POLICED BY YOUR SIMONS, HARTS, ETS ALS...PERHAPS...IN 15 OR SO YEARS...

Game 47 @ Phoenix Coyotes 1-6
WE TRUDGE TEAM AND FAN
TOWARD A SEASON UNBURTHENED
BY SUCCESS OR EFFORT UNTIL BEAT WRITERS FOLLOW CLAIMS ABOUT BOUNCES
WITH WHINES ABOUT SNUBS
(AND SURE YEAH SURE: WOULD BE NICE FOR A GUY WHO JUST HAD A WORLD-HISTORICALLY SHITTY DAY AT WORK TO STAND AND DELIVER AFTER)
(ROLLS EYES SO HARD YOU CAN HEAR IT FROM VENUS)