[note] Federer’s greater propensity to dominate sets when they play. He’s taken seven 6-0 or 6-1 matches against Nadal, while Nadal has taken five such sets against Federer. Five of those dominant sets of Federer’s have come in the final set of the match, a sign that Nadal was fading, mentally or physically. Just two of Nadal’s wins against Federer have ended with such lopsided sets; the 9-7 classic in the fifth set of Nadal’s 2008 triumph against Federer was more the norm. Outside of their head-to-head results, Nadal has been dominated more often than Federer by other opponents,
The elephant is, of course, a head-to-head record that was 9-17 when the first article was published and 9-18 after. A winning percentage of .333 seems an unlikely candidate for an overrated struggle. While the extended stats are interesting and provocative, you play to win the game, and none of this nuance negates the fact that Nadal is winning two matches against Federer for every one he loses.
I'm all for looking deeply into history and finding subtleties that final scores miss; I'll go to my grave believing Wilt was a better player than Bill Russell; I'll never understand why Mike Sweeney has been forgotten; but if David Foster Wallace is right, and if tennis is chess plus boxing, then looking past the head-to-head record is nothing less than missing the point entire.
There is in philosophy the principle of "saving the appearances". Put simply, this means that if you're elaborating a theory of oranges, you'd better account for things like "is orange", "round" and "fucking delicious"--and you'd better be prepared to show your work if your theory holds that oranges are purply-green, pyramidal, and primarily salty.
In our dipshit, deluded age, we're dominated by a-analytical approaches like the "To intuit, or to counter-intuit" tendency of Malcom Gladwell and the craven easy-answer-proffering of your pundit of choice. These guys tend to save appearances pretty well. (To put it another, more accurate, way, these guys serve mainly to reinforce existing prejudice and reassure the reader that we're all in Pangloss' party pad.)
Which is at least better than the putative insights ginned up by the Freakonomics posse--"several years into a recession is a great time to give up your job!"--or the results of David Berri's years-long quest to use the awesome power of double-entry bookkeeping to prove that Carmelo Anthony is bad at basketball. So the Wall Street Journal is perfectly right to contextualize Nadal's 18-9 record against Federer--that record emphatically does not prove Nadal is the better player--but they're wrong to try to context it away. You play to win the games; when Federer plays against Nadal, he loses twice as often as he wins. Loose talk about other matchups and who wins how many of what points how can illuminate that fact; it can't overshadow it.
Game 50 @ Anaheim Ducks 2-3 PERHAPS THE LENGTHY COMMUTE TIRED THE TEAM AS THAT JOAK ATTESTS, SOME NIGHTS YOU JUST CAN'T WIN A LONG NIGHT, THIS ONE, FILLED WITH SHOTS PROPELLED TO THE REDOUBTABLE JONAS HILLER, A NIGHT, THIS ONE, MARKED BY TERRITORIAL pissings DOMINATION, AND ONLY THE MOST OCCASIONAL GAFFES A NIGHT WHERE EVERY BLUNDER WAS A TURNOVER AND EVERY TURNOVER ENDED UP IN THE BACK OF THE AVALANCHE NET ONE MIGHT WONDER EXACTLY HOW MANY GAMES IN A ROW SACCO WANTS TO START GIGUERE AND JUST EXACTLY WHY LORD VARLAMOV IS ON THE ROSTER IF HE CAN'T EVEN START ONE NIGHT OF A BACK-TO-BACK SOME NIGHTS HURT WORSE THAN OTHERS
Game 51 vs. Minnesota Mild 2-3 DIDN'T FEEL GREAT ABOUT THIS ONE FROM THE BEGINNING SOMETHING MISSING FROM THIS TEAM--THEY DON'T, EXACTLY, CRUMBLE UNDER PRESSURE, BUT ANY TIME SOMETHING COULD BE DESCRIBED AS "A HUGE GAME" OR A "PLAYOFF ATMOSPHERE", THE TEAM SEEMS TO TAKE THE PIPE IN A PECULIAR WAY NOT LIKE A CRUMBLE, EXACTLY, MORE LIKE A WAN LACK OF PRESENCE, A RETICENCE, A REFUSAL TO ENGAGE WITH THE VIOLENCE AND BRUTALITY THE CONTEST MAY REQUIRE (LIKE A BUNCH OF FUCKING DEMOCRATS) AND THUS WE SLOUCH INTO THE ALL-STAR BREAK, BEREFT OF ALL-STARS, OUT OF THE PLAYOFFS, NO DRAFT PICKS TO COME
Don't like the President? Grow yourself some free-market testicles and say it to his face, you pusillanimous piece of shit.
If Nixon can go to China, if 'Sheed can go to Bush II, you can pay a visit to someone you don't respect, wear a fucking suit and tie, and respect that you're being honored by somebody with much, much better things to do with his time than deal with you.
--Collision, whose favorite goalie will always be Arturs Irbe
Game 48 vs. Florida Panthers 4-3 (OT) SATISFYING WIN ON THE ICE AND ON THE SCORESHEET--SEEING THEODORE GIVE UP A FAIRLY LIMP 5-HOLE LOSER IN OT WASN'T VERY NICE, BUT NEITHER WAS IT VERY NOVEL MUELLER, RAMPANT MUELLER, RAMPANT, REMINDS HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE THE AVS BOASTED A GOAL-SCORER'S GOAL SCORER
Game 49 @ Los Angeles Kings 3-1
dedicated to Giguere
SURFING THRU THIS GAME ESSENTIALLY A TENSE EXERCISE--BEGINS IN ROAD DESPAIR PENALTIES AND A GOAL AGAINST DESPITE OUTSHOOTING THE KINGS BY A MILLION FROM DOWN THEY GO UP IN THE OBSCUREST WAYS AVAILABLE: 5 YEARS INTO HIS AVS CAREER, & A PORTLAND WINTERHAWK WHEN I LIVED THERE, NEVER HAVE I HEARD THE WORDS "CODY MCLEOD BREAKAWAY" NOR WOULD I HAVE PREDICTED SUCCESS FOR IT--THEN MUELLER ON THE REBOUND! UNSUSTAINABLY HOT IS HOW I LIKE MY RETURNED-FROM-INJURY FORWARDS, AND HIS POINT PER GAME WILL CERTAINLY DO UP 2-1 ON THE ROAD...KINGS START TO ACCUMMULATE SOG...I NERVOUSLY SCROLL THE ROSTER, WONDERING WHO'S DUE FOR A BIG MOMENT MUELLER TAKES A PENALTY AND I KNOW THIS GAME WILL GO TO OVERTIME AND I PAUSE OVER KOBASEW AND LANDESKOG, whose team nickname is "Whitey", AS MY LIKELIEST CANDIDATES FOR HEROISM MANY WEIRD PENALTIES IN A CLUSTER-PULSE I CAN'T PARSE IN MY CAFFEINATED ANXIETY LANDESKOG NAILS ONE FROM STASTNY ON A GIVE & GO & EXACTLY THAT MUCH IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD
Game 28 @ Vancouver Canucks 0-6 OKAY, SO MAYBE I'VE MENTIONED BEFORE THAT THE AVALANCHE OF COLORADO CANNOT PLAY HOCKEY WELL IN WESTERN CANADA--WHAT A SHAME THAT THE REALIGNMENT ONCE FLOATED NOW IS DEAD AS COLUMBUS' 1ST LINE, NOT THAT IT REALLY WOULD HAVE (REDACTED) HELPED ANYWAYS--AND IT TURNS OUT THAT PLAYING ONE OF THE BEST TEAMS IN HOCKEY IN AN ENVIRONMENT PREVENTING THE AVALANCHE FROM PLAYING WELL AT ALL AGAINST ANYBODY...IT DOESN'T HELP (CONFIDENTIAL TO ANY GODS WHO MAY BE READING THIS: PLEASE, PLEASE SMITE THE 'NUCKS...I WILL SELF-HARM, I WILL SACRIFICE ANY DUMB BEAST WITH NO FAMILIAR NAME...JUST TAKE THEM AWAY FROM THE EARTH)
Game 29 @ Calgary Flames 2-3 I DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THE CALGARY LAMES ANYMORE
Game 30 @ Edmonton Oilers 1-4 PRETTY MUCH THE WHOLE SEASON: I ALTERNATE BETWEEN BORGNINE & HACKMAN...
...FUCK THIS TEAM...
Game 31 vs. San Jose Sharks 4-3 (SO) I LOVE THIS TEAM!! MORE AWESOME MILAN HEJDUKERY IN THE SHOOTOUT, THIS TIME SETTING UP ESTIMABLE ROOKIE ROOKERY FROM GABRIEL 'can we draft a couple more like that? no? because we traded our draft picks away for a streaky/gifted goalie? ... K...' LANDESKOG, PLUS INTENSE, INTENSELY RAD GOALS FROM STEFAN 'this kid can move' ELLIOTT & MATT 'revising my expectations downward' DUCHENE...TYPICALLY WINNIKY GOAL FROM WINNIK...THIS GAME WAS SATISFYING...
Game 32 @ San Jose Sharks 4-5 I HATE THIS FUCKING TEAM UP 4-2 AFTER 2, PAUL 'actually our best player if anybody cares or cares to admit it' STASTNY WITH A HARDLY-PRECEDENTED 2 GOALS THEN A NIGH-PATENTED LATE-GAME COLLAPSE
Game 33 vs. Washington Capitals 2-1 JUST EXACTLY THE WAY YOU'D DRAW UP A GAME AGAINST A TOP-TIER COACH--AND FORMER real good player HATCHET MAN BEHINDHITTER--LIKE DALE HUNTER: A RANDOM FLUB FROM A GOALIE ON A ON-NET DUMP-IN FROM DALE HUNTER CLONE CODY MCLEOD + A ACTUALLY RATHER GORGEOUS SLAPSHOT FROM ERIK JOHNSON...SHOCKING--SHOCKING!--HUNTER COULDN'T IDENTIFY A WAY TO COUNTER OFFENSE THAT WAS INNOVATIVE LIKE CHRIS KANYON! ONE ASSUMES HE'LL HAVE A NICE LONG OFFSEASON TO PONDER THE NECESSARY COUNTERMEASURES BUT WHATEVS: JUST WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BRING A WHL COACH (AND OHL RECRUITER) TO AN NHL GAME...
Game 34 vs. Philadelphia Flyers 3-2 (S0) NOT MUCH TO SEE/SAY HERE: EASTERN CONTENDERS SUCK ICE IN THE REGULAR SEASON WEST...I HAVE VERY RARELY THIS SEASON BEEN A SAD PERSON WHEN GABRIEL LANDESKOG SCORED A GOAL...I AM NOT A SAD PERSON TO-NIGHT ...I AM A DRUNK PERSON TO-NIGHT, HOWEVER...
Game 35 vs. St. Louis Blues 3-2 BRIAN 'world-historically bad last year--but arguably it was a fluke' ELLIOTT vs. J-S GIGUERE FOR THE TITLE OF INDISPUTABLY THE BEST GOALIE BARGAIN IN THE LEAGUE THIS YEAR: JIGGY GETS THE WIN, WITH 37 SAVES, ELLIOTT TAKES THE LOSS, WITH 19 SAVES, JIGGY MAKES 1.5 MIL, ELLIOTT MAKES .6 MIL...CALL IT A HELL OF A SHREWD MOVE FOR EACH TEAM, BEGRUDGE NOBODY THEIR SUCCESS, EVERYBODY SHAKE HANDS, SMILE AT THE MAN YOU FOUGHT, AND TIP ONE FOR YOUR GOALTENDER WHO HAS BAILED YOU OUT AN AWFUL DAMN' LOT THIS YEAR-- SERIOUSLY: THANKS, GIGUERE: YOU HAVE BEEN A HELL OF A PLAYER THROUGH SOME SHITSTORM BREAKDOWNS, FIZZBRAINED DECISIONS, & CACKHANDED EXECUTIONS OH AND LAST YEAR I SUGGESTED QUITE IN EARNEST THAT EVERY GOALTENDER BEATEN BY CODY MCLEOD THAT YEAR SHOULD RETIRE I DO NOT THINK BRIAN ELLIOTT SHOULD RETIRE BUT I CAN'T NOT RECOGNIZE CODY MAC'S 2ND GOAL IN THREE GAMES
Game 36 vs. Tampa Bay Lightning 2-1 (OT) 'DRIFTY' DUCHENE WITH AN OT WINNER!? I'LL TAKE IT!
Game 37 @ Minnesota Mild 4-2 WE ARE NEVER GOING TO LOSE AGAIN! STICKING IT TO TEAM AFTER TEAM AFTER TEAM, GOING INTO MINNESOTA, WHERE WE NEVER WIN, HALF THE TOP-LINE GUYS GETTING GOALS (GALLY, FACTOR, LANDESKOG), LANDESKOG NOTCHING A COACH-KILLER IN THE 2ND--REALLY STARTING TO THINK THIS TEAM MIGHT HAVE SOME SPECIAL QUALITIES ENABLING IT TO GO SOME EXCITING PLACES!
Game 38 vs. Winnipeg Jets 1-4 I HATE THIS FUCKING TEAM GUTLESS BALLLESS NOSHOW QUITTER HORSESHIT BACK-TO-BACK MY ASS TRADE EVERYBODY
Game 39 vs. Phoenix Coyotes 3-2 WHOOO! NOTHING LIKE A SOLID WIN OVER A GARBAGE-HITTING TORRES-EMPLOYING TRAP SQUAD LIKE THE PHOENIX CONTRACTEMALREADIES, CAPPED BY A GWG FROM INCREASINGLY CHARISMATIC/SUSPICIOUSLY HANDSOME PUNDIT GABRIEL 'complete me' LANDESKOG! TO SAY NOTHING OF THE SAVAGE UTILE BRILLIANT DISGUISE MANEUVER EMPLOYED BY KEVIN PORTER, PULLING THE OLD PAVEL BURE PLAY--CHERRYPICKING OUT OF THE PENALTY BOX, YES, IT'S HARD TO FIND ANY FAULT WITH A CONTEST THIS THOROUGHLY ENJOYAB--
WAIT
WAIT
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WHOGOT HURT AGAIN?
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MATT 'underwhelming but still the most talented guy we have' DUCHENE RIPPED UP HIS KNEE TRYING TO THROW A CHECK...NO MORE RECAPS: I'M GOING TO HANG MYSELF TONIGHT
Game 40 @ Anaheim Ducks 4-2 HOMECOMING WIN FOR THE INESTIMABLE GIGUERE TWO GOALS FOR THE LAST INDISPUTABLY GREAT AV, MILAN 'glory days' HEJDUK, ALL IT TOOK WAS A VISIT TO A TERRIBLE TEAM FUCK IT I'LL TAKE IT--BUT I'D TAKE IT A LOT BETTER IF I THOUGHT LORD VARLAMOV HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-SCORED-UPON AND PICK-YOUR-ACTUALLY-TALENTED-FORWARD-NOT-NAMED-LANDESKOG-OR-O'REILLY WERE TAKING LESSONS FROM AGED BUT PUISSANT EXAMPLE HANDS LIKE GIGUERE/HEJDUK, OR IF I THOUGHT GIGUERE/HEJDUK WERE TAKING THOSE DUDES UNDER THEIR WINGS-- WINGS, I HATE THE RED WINGS WINGS, I HATE THE SHOW WINGS WINGS, DID YOU KNOW MARC CRAWFORD PRONOUNCED THE NAME 'hedge duck' WHEN SOMEBODY ASKED HIM WHAT HE THOUGHT ABOUT THE NEWLY DRAFTED MILAN HEJDUK HAW HAW HAW WHAT A DUMMY MARC CRAWFORD WAS, ILLITERATE BUFFOON VANCOUVER RODENT WHO CLEARLY WAS NOT YET PETER PRINCIPLEING HIS WAY THROUGH HIS TEAM'S ROSTER, JUST...YOU KNOW...JUST 'COACHING' AT THAT POINT, HAW HAW HAW
Game 41 @ Los Angeles Kings 2-1 (SO) TRITE, BUT I DO LOVE A TIGHT GAME DECIDED BY NEW HOTNESS RYAN O'REILLY AND ANCIENT WONDER MILAN HEJDUK--PARTICULARLY WHEN OUR GOALIE, WHO WE ESSENTIALLY HAVE TO ROOT FOR REGARDLESS OF HIS PERFORMANCE, GIVEN THE 1ST + 2ND WE GAVE UP FOR HIM, PUTS UP 31 SAVES AND IS SHOOTOUT-FLAWFREE SOME NIGHTS...YOU JUST HAVE A LOT TO LIKE
Game 42 @ Chicago Blackhawks 4-0 YAY!
Game 43 @ St. Louis Blues 0-4 BOO!
Game 44 vs. Nashville Predators 1-4 HEY GUYS YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUN IS WHEN YOUR TEAM TAKES THE PIPE FOR A PERIOD, GOES DOWN BY 3 GOALS, THEN GETS TO SKATE AROUND LIKE CRAZY FOR A COUPLE OF PERIODS, CONVINCING EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD THAT "wow, the Avs are really taking it to the Preds now!" WHEN IN FACT (a) THE PREDS WERE JUST HANGING BACK & CONSERVING ENERGY KNOWING THAT PEKKA "man, that goalie is solid" RINNE COUGHS UP 3-GOAL LEADS ABOUT AS OFTEN AS CHRIS COLLISION TURNS DOWN A BEER (b) THE ENTIRE WORLD IS FUCKING FULL OF MORON IDIOT DIPSHITS THAT'S FUN
Game 45 @ Nashville Predators 2-3 (OT) WHAT PROFITS A MAN, IF HE GAIN THE LOSER POINT AND LOSE HIS OWN...UHM...GAME? WHAT PROFITS A TEAM, IF THEY GAIN A TWO-GOAL LEAD THEN KIND OF JUST PLAY GRAB-ASS AND FUCKAROUND FUCKAROUND FUCKAROUND ALL THE REST OF THE NIGHT, BEFORE GIVING UP A PAIR OF GOALS TO DAVID 'seriously, you guys, his name is literally the greatest euphemism for "magic penis" I can imagine' LEGWAND? SADLY, THOUGH JOE SACCO IS A GOOD COACH WHO I LIKE AND RESPECT, I DO OF AN EVENING SUSPECT HE MAY BE BETTER SUITED FOR COACHING THIS GAME I'VE MOOTED THE ONE CALLED: FUCKAROUND FUCKAROUND FUCKAROUND (AND ALL THOSE WHO'VE PLAYED THAT GAME KNOW HOW IT ENDS: NOT WITH ANY SHOOTING OUT, BUT WITH--PRETTY SOON...YOU WON'T BE AROUND)
Game 46 @ Dallas Stars 2-1 AH YET ANOTHER TENSE ONE AGAINST THE "STARS" BUT NICE FOR THE GWG TO FEATURE A SHOT BY ERIK JOHNSON, TIPPED BY PAUL STASTNY AND NICE FOR YOUNG MR. LANDESKOG TO ROLL OVER OLD MR. BRENDEN "BRANDON" MORROW AND THEREBY WIN YET STILL MORE RESPECT EVENTUALLY, IN 15 OR SO YEARS, PERHAPS LANDESKOG CAN RETIRE AND APPRENTICE HIMSELF TO THE SUN-BELT MYSTERY-SOLVING TEAM BRENDEN & BRENDAN, AS THE TITULAR RESPECTIVE MESSERS MORROW & MORRISON WHO BY NIGHT MELD INTO ONE SURGING FIGURE, THE MIGHTY SORT OF...VOLTRON WEREWOLF--"BRENDAEN" IS HIS NAME-O--STALKING THE HEAT-BLASTED SUBDEVELOPMENTS OF THE NON-"SOUTH" SOUTHERN U.S., SOLVING THOSE GENTLE DEPREDATIONS ONCE PRIVATELY POLICED BY YOUR SIMONS, HARTS, ETS ALS...PERHAPS...IN 15 OR SO YEARS...
Game 47 @ Phoenix Coyotes 1-6 WE TRUDGE TEAM AND FAN TOWARD A SEASON UNBURTHENED BY SUCCESS OR EFFORT UNTIL BEAT WRITERS FOLLOW CLAIMS ABOUT BOUNCES WITH WHINES ABOUT SNUBS (AND SURE YEAH SURE: WOULD BE NICE FOR A GUY WHO JUST HAD A WORLD-HISTORICALLY SHITTY DAY AT WORK TO STAND AND DELIVER AFTER) (ROLLS EYES SO HARD YOU CAN HEAR IT FROM VENUS)
So, let's see: 140 posts + three years at this address (plus some older shit elsewhere)--that's us. At around 1.50 of the video, "Bleeding Teal" forgets to talk about hockey and starts shrieking about clubs and what they drink. That's them. HAY WYSH, WE TALK ABOUT WHAT WE DRINK I'M DRUNK RIGHT FUCKING NOW. WHERE'S MY LINK WYSH?
Because, and you can bet your Star Wars bathroom on this: you will never, ever see those girls without their shirts on. It's just not going to happen. Drink all the scotch you want. Smoke all the cigars in the whole world. They're never going to pop out of their Forever 21 dipshit tank tops, they're never going to pop out of your computer screen, and they're never actually going to say anything interesting about hockey.
(Confidential to the Avs: maybe you could look into drafting this Messman guy? We could use a couple more rib-cracking cross-checkers in the lined-up!)
