From Puck Daddy:
Earlier this week, Tim Thomas of the Boston Bruins explained that his team likes to get stronger as the game goes on: "Stronger 'til dawn, like Lancelot. …You know Lancelot, the knight? The real duels they had, some of them would go all night, because they had so much armor and they were so heavy, they could hardly move. Legend is that he just kept getting stronger the longer it went, so that's what I mean by that."
And now we know what Tim Thomas calls his penis.
Game 27 vs. Detroit Red Wings 4-2
IF THERE BE A THING BETTER
THAN A SHORT-HANDED GWG AGAINST THE ILLITCH TECHOLOGIES OF DETROIT
MAY I NEVER OF THEM LEARN
GALLIARDI & LANDESKOG RAMPANT, LORD VARLAMOV TOTIPOTENT
BEST MOMENT OF THE YEAR SINCE THAT EARLY STREAK?
MAYBE
HEAVY TUNES brought to us today from the ineffably righteous Ted Leo and the surpassingly cool Valient Thorr.
Game 22 vs. Vancouver Canucks 0-3
ONE THING ABOUT THE AVALANCHE: THEY REGARD BACKUP GOALTENDERS WITH DISTRUST AND FEAR--LIKE THEY REGARD FIRE AND DANGEROUS THINGS--AND SO THEY ARE EXCEEDINGLY RELUCTANT EVEN TO ATTEMPT TO GAIN THE ZONE AGAINST THEM
60 SLIPPERY MINUTES OF DUMP-AND-DON'T-CHASE LATER, THE AVS GIVE UP AN EMPTY-NETTER TO RYAN 'DISLIKED' KESLER
Game 23 vs. Edmonton Oilers 5-2
WANNA HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY?
AVS GOT A NEW D-MAN!
HE SCORED A GOAL HIS VERY FIRST GAME! YAY!
WANNA HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY?
AVS NEEDED A NEW D-MAN!
WANNA KNOW WHY?
THEIR FRANCHISE D-MAN, THE GUY THE LEGACY OF THEIR GM WILL PERMANENTLY DEPEND UPON...GOT HIS GROIN ALL FUCKERED UP...BEING BAG SKATED AFTER THE SHITSHOW AGAINST THE CANUCKS
HAW HAW HAW
(DON'T GET ME STARTED ON "ENTERED GAME DOWN 1-2 AGAINST EDMONTON AT HOME ON EDMONTON'S 4TH GAME IN 6 NIGHTS"
JUST LET ME ENJOY THIS ONE)
Game 24 vs. Dallas "Stars" 1-3
OH GOD, FORMER AVS GOALTENDER LOOKS LIKE JACQUES FUCKING PLANTE AGAINST THE AVS:
Stars' Raycroft earns 1st win in over a year
ONLY--AND I MEAN ONLY--GOOD THING ABOUT THIS GAME IS THAT IT GOT JIBBLESCRIBBITS ALL FIRED UP AND SHOWING THAT STASTNY SPENT THE BULK OF HIS NIGHT IN FRONT OF ANDREW RAYCROFT
(can't remember who then asked "is that where he's actually going to be most useful?" but I wish I could, and I would like to answer that question: NO, NO IT IS NOT WHERE HE IS MOST USEFUL)
Game 25 vs. New Jersey Devils 6-1
LAST YEAR, CODY MCLEOD SCORED ON MARTY BRODEUR
THAT IS NOT A JOKE
5 GOALS LAST YEAR, AND ONE WAS AGAINST THE REDOUBTABLE FAT MAN
I DO LOVE WATCHING THE GUY LOSE
Game 26 vs. St. Louis Blues 3-2 (SO)
THIS ONE WAS A CORKER, LADS!
LONG, STRESS-FILLED, HIGHLIGHTED BY LORD VARLAMOV, RYAN O'MY HE IS GOOD AT HOCKEY'REILLY AND JAROSLAV HALAK DOING HIS BEST ARTURS IRBE SPINNING-HOLY-SHIT SAVE ROUTINE
Game 15 vs. Calgary Flames 1-2
OH I JUST QUIT; I CAN'T RECAP A GAME AGAINST THE CALGARY FLAMES ANY MORE THAN THE AVS CAN PLAY ONE
Game 16 @ Detroit Red Wings 2-5
WHAT A SHOCK: FRANZEN HAT-TRICKS US, LIDSTROM NETS ONE, AVS LIMP THROUGH A LIMP GAME, LIMPLY, WITH ALL THE FIRE AND VIM OF A SQUAD ALREADY PLANNING THEIR NEXT GAMES OF WORDS WITH FRIENDS
Game 17 vs. New York Islanders 4-3 (OT)
DIG A HOLE, DIG OUT OF HOLE, GIVE UP LOTSA GOALS, GO DOWN THREE, THEN ROAR BACK
GOOD POLICY AGAINST THE ISLES
NOT SO GOOD AGAINST PROFESSIONAL HOCKEY PLAYERS
Game 18 vs Calgary Flames 3-4
DO I EVEN HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS?
THIS TEAM OVER HERE *points at Avs* can't beat this team over here *points at Flames
Game 19 @ Pittsburgh Penguins 3-6
WELL, IT WAS FUN FOR A MINUTE, ANYWAY, WITH MATT DUCHENE LOOKING LIKE A WORLD-BEATER OFF OF A BEAUTIFUL PUCK-BATTLE-WIN + PASS FROM MY MAN STASTNY
AND THEN IT ALL JUST HOPPED THE OL' ROCKET TRAIN TO SHITTOWN
Game 20 @ Minnesota "Wild" 0-1
HALF-ASSED ADEQUATE PACE TO THIS GAME, DESPITE THE SCORE, FUN TO WATCH A "PHYSICAL" WILD TEAM GET ELBOWS & STICKS UP & CAPITALIZE ON A LATE NEUTRAL-ZONE LAPSE
IN OTHER NEWS, I AM APPARENTLY A WHINY IDIOT HOMER
I CAN LIVE WITH THAT
Game 21 vs. Dallas "Stars" 3-0
STATS, DUTCHY WITH GOALS IN A GAME THAT WAS TIGHT WELL INTO THE THIRD
NICE, NICE WIN
A BRIEF MOMENT OF RELIEF IN A LONG SEASON OF ABUSE AND DANK
Game 22 vs. San Jose Sharks 1-4
MANY UNHAPPINESSES ATTEND THIS LOSS
SACCO RESPONDS WITH DAY-AFTER BAG SKATE
BUT HONESTLY: THE AVS TRIED HARD; THEY'RE SIMPLY NOT EQUIPPED TO COMPETE WITH A TEAM OF THE SHARKS' CALIBER
TOP FORWARDS FOR SHARKS: JOE THORNTON
JOE PAVELSKI
PATRICK MARLEAU
HAVLAT/COUTURE
TOP FORWARDS FOR AVS: PAUL STASTNY
MATT DUCHENE
LANDESKOG/HEJDUK
ANY FUCKING QUESTIONS?
Darren Rovell:
Sandusky/PSU could be saved if '02 alleged victim doesn't come forward. Some rape victims prefer to move on instead of go back.
Everything about this is wretched.
The possiblility of "saving" Penn State or Sandusky is not one I think is worth meditating on.
A minor thing, possibly unique to me, but I also don't like the eternal sportscaster's present "if the victim doesn't" when used about something that actually matters. "If Hitler doesn't invade Poland, the Reich could have been saved."
Another phrasing gaffe is the informality of "move on" as applied to the experience of having been sodomized as a child, or any rape whatsoever. But the content is far, far worse than the packaging, of course: whatever it is that Darren Rovell does or does not know about what "some rape victims" do or do not prefer to do is of less interest to me than you can possibly imagine. Especially hateful and wretched to suggest is that this "'02 alleged victim" should have elected to "move on instead of go back". That this toss-off of dismissive, snotty judgment still sullies the Web a day or so after it was posted speaks ill of Darren Rovell, his employers, and the general community of people who pay attention to them.
--Collision, sick to his guts over the awful things people say
The only thing that works is thinking about Flux of Pink Indians. Darren Rovell, reminding people "The Fucking Cunts Treat Us Like Pricks" since 2011.
http://www.sportsnet.ca/hockey/2011/11/14/mendes_anderson/
Nice piece on how the whilom Saint Mayor, current History's Greatest Monster, future Ex Who I Vaguely Hope Is Doing Well and Who I Will Never Have to Talk to Again used to be not Craig Anderson but Craig Andersson. S/t to Puck Daddy.
But today, nothing may distract us from our sacred obligation to honor long-time second-tier star Milan Hejduk, as he finally--finally--gets his due and is anointed the Colorado Avalanche's captain, joining longtime stalwarts Joe Sakic and Adam Foote as the only captains the franchise has ever known. Hejduk has long been a favorite of mine for his professionalism, his not-bad-for-a-hockey-player sense of humor and his deadly shot.
Hejduk's comment on the new gig?
It's pretty cool.
He also looks exactly like Doug from The State, which doesn't hurt.
(Doug from The State, preparing to utter his catchphrase, "I'm leaving now.")
(Milan Hejduk posing for a photograph the day he was drafted.)
